Badass Lady Business

In the wayback days of the original blog, one of my favorite weeks was the learn something/take a class week. I took an embroidery class where I not only learned to stitch this freakin’ awesome StrongBad, I met some cool ladies too! You know you’ve met some cool girls when you can bond over the Babysitters Club books and recall specific outfits Claudia wore. Another topic of conversation? Roller derby. The movie Whip It! was coming soon, and the Des Moines derby teams were gearing up for the season. And it just so happened that one of those crafty stithcin’ ladies, @shanaraeray, was training to be a roller derby skating lady too. And this weekend…I’m goin’ to check it out. And I could not be more  excited.

I love the idea of roller derby, but am far too sissy to actually participate myself. I had enough trouble back during the days of elementary school skating parties at Kimberly Pines. They’d turn that disco ball on and I’d get all disoriented following the flying cheerios on the baby blue floor. The fact that I was rarely asked to ‘moonlight skate’ was also a matter of deep self-consciousness. So sadly my skating days are over. Luckily I can live vicariously through Ms. Shana and the Mid Iowa Rollers. Even better? These rollin’ ladies are undefeated!

So, what’s this derby stuff all about? I saw Whip It, so I know the basics. (sidenote: Even though this movie was horribly made, it’s super fun to watch. ZOE BELL!!!) Obviously the insanely rad outfits and the badass names are cool. Fishnets and hot pants and neon socks? Why can’t this be my wardrobe every day? And I desperately want to be known as Sugar Kaned (Shana’s derby name) or Anna Killakova or Knock Around Suzie. I’m pretty sure nobody would question my edit decisions if they had to say, “um, Bloody Holly…can you make that dissolve a couple frames longer?” But once you get past the flashy outfits and aliases…what’s derby really about? Let’s learn some stuff!

Roller derby takes place on a circuit track. Offense and defense are played at the same time by both teams. Each team has five players on the track – one jammer (scorer), three blockers (defense), one pivot (a blocker who may become the jammer later in that jam). Helmet covers are used to display the players’ positions: a cover with two stars is used for jammers, a striped cover is used for pivots and no cover is used for blockers.

Pivots and blockers from both teams start the game by forming a single pack. In a pack, all players face counterclockwise. The track has two lines marked across the track 30 feet apart, a pivot line and a jammer line around which the players build their initial formation.

Pivots line up on the pivot line and all blockers must line up behind them in any order they choose. The two jammers, who are not considered to be part of the pack, are positioned on the jammer line 30 feet behind the pivot line.

A jam is a 2-minute countdown period during which both teams attempt to score points. Points can only be scored by the jammers, who, moving counter-clockwise, attempt to pass the pack and lap around as many times as possible. After passing the pack the first time, jammers earn one point each time they legally pass an opposing blocker/pivot. Pivot/blockers attempt to assist their jammer through and out of the pack while simultaneously stopping the opposing jammer from exiting the pack.

To impede the progress of the opposing team’s jammer, players may block using body parts above the mid-thigh, excluding forearms, hands, and head. Elbows may not be used in blocking, and cannot be swung at other players or used to hook an opponent’s or teammate’s arm.

Each game consists of two 30-minute periods. At the end of each jam, teams field another line up of players and the next jam starts exactly 30 seconds later.

Hey, thanks, Wikipedia! There’s a bit more to it than that, but those are the basics. Ladies in sweet threads skating hard and roughin’ each other up a little. You guys…I can barely skate! These girls are skate racing and blocking and scoring and not falling and looking cool doing it. Impressive.

Here in Des Moines we have two derby teams, and these cool chicks are even making it into the sportscasts on the local news. Finally! We’ve got some girl representation between all the boy sports! If you’re here in town, head on down to Hy-Vee hall for this weekend’s bout. Doors are at 6, bout starts at 7. The undefeated (6-0) Mid Iowa Rollers are facing the Old Capital City Roller Girls from Iowa City, for what Shana promises will be a fierce battle. If you’re not here in my town, hit up Derbyroster.com. Find a team and get out and support your local roller derby girls!

c.

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